kataclyzmic

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2nd BEST PERFORMANCE next to Bob Marley’s tribute.

Bossip

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Grand Dios couple of 2013.

Bossip

grammy

Justin Timberlake, his wife Jessica “nice cakes” Biel, Beyonce and Jay-Z held a candid conversation while at the 2013 Grammy Awards.

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Nice performance.

Bossip

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hotmilkforbreakfast

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Myself and Friend Nawab standing at the entrance to Chicken Street

As I’ve stated in earlier posts, Afghanistan was once famous as a passage from East to West for trading empires.  And Kabul, while an ancient city, was not really historically the center of Afghanistan, until relatively recently.

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Kabul used to be a place where livestock and other trading goods were exchanged and stored.  It is my theory that the city was founded where it is because the Kabul River came so close to the mountains in the part of Police District 1 known as “The Lion’s Gate”, that it made a handy place to pen up livestock.  Traders only really needed to put some barriers across the narrow corridor there and they had an instant pen.

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Bala Hisar circa 1879 – Photo by John Burke

From there, the city grew along natural patterns based on terrain and socio-cultural pressures. …

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Bit of a word nerd myself. It’s nice to see another person that enjoys the English language so much.

The Mercenary Researcher

I admit it – I’m a word nerd; derived from the Latin Dictum Nerdica.  I’m also a Grammar Geek (ok, ok Grammaticus Geekicus). I think I was the only kid in 7th grade typing English that liked to diagram sentences.  My typing sucked but I could spot an appositive a mile away.

I’m fond of adjectives, adverbs, nouns, verbs, gerunds, prepositions etc. (Please be advised: I don’t quite trust the subjunctive case, however). Our lexicon is rich with variety – we have so much freedom to express ourselves using layers of meaning, double entendre, metaphor, subtle shades of description; we have synonyms abound to choose from; we have slang – we have it all.  Yet we also have this:

I don’t understand why we have to have so many words to describe something- why can’t we just have the one and be done?

Why do you have…

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17 again.

First off

I admit feeling like a perv, less than dirt, writing these words

Knowing I couldn’t stop human nature from what we did

But whats worse?

Putting a stipulation to love or an adult to a kid?

I wouldn’t know because it had been so long since a woman touched me

In heated passion, paying for pussy, or after a fuss, I wish she’d fuck me
More.
I passed you on a dark road alone while going home
Guess you were waiting for the bus so I was prone, to make that illegal u-turn at the next intersection
To strike up a conversation or quick session
Of lust, trust —
Trust me when I say that I almost crashed & wrecked the Audi
Breaking my neck staring at that body till I realized our eyes made 4 & that you saw me
Demons buzzing in my ear like a hornets nest and my horniness over came all rationality
So gradually,
I made my way to pulling over as you came closer,
I grew nervous
You peered into my window like, “nigga what’s your purpose”
Told ya I’d give you a lift if you’d give me some rap
The cold winter breeze petrified your face and like that
You hopped in with ya purse in ya lap
Scored your number
Pressing the issue of when was the earliest we could chill
A nigga was ready to tear you down before we could even build
No shame, no shade
You understood
You had already peeped the game being played
And you were with it
Turning up my radio dial from its original pivot
Exchanging looks getting into your favorite songs on my leather seats
Popping that ass in them leggings I peeped your thong, girl what a treat
Asking me how’d I get such a nice car and & when could you drive
Me jokingly saying in my head 1st bitch you have to let me ride
In my head of course
See obviously she hadn’t learned yet
And further more young bitch do you even have ya permit
Ha
So beautiful being the age as you are
As you were, so inquisitive about how a nigga live
And I continued,
Now more comfortable and assured pussy
You asked where I was going and if you could come with me
You asked me of any pets and if moms would trip if she met us at the door
I bragged about Jake and a secret entrance to the 2nd floor
Where my room was and what you would anticipate was pure unadulterated fun — between us
And my god you were sexy!
Doing everything ran through my mind only if you’d please.. please.. let me
You know how niggas get when it’s “guaranteed pussy”
5’7, petite smooth chocolate skin, perfect smile
Couldn’t be 17 with all those curves that ran for 1,000 miles
Shit, I smiled
When you finally crossed the threshold of my stairs
I was behind you long stares watching that ass switch
To a room, clothes laying everywhere but beyond that to a bed paved
That was frequently occupied by lost bitches who I previously saved
You pressed the black keys on my keyboard which wasn’t plugged in by the way
Started to tell me how you skipped school earlier that day
Like I cared,
And admitted that when I saw you, you had just came from chillin at ya homegirls house
Some bitch named Janay
That young shit
If the mind was a terrible thing to waste
Then you dumped it
Traded it all to keep up ya knowledge on Forever 21 sales & weave
And that cheetah printed bra that held up ya cleave —
Age wasn’t a factor
Well at least not now
Not after I turned out the lights and we got down
Not after you used the light on ya phone to find an enticing song
And give a nigga the best lap dance he ever had
Awakening the beast that lied beneath the britches of my pants
And you moaned, at first, claiming it hurt, but took it like a champ
Praying that after I buss I’d never do this again
But shit after writing these words and remembering
I think I might wanna fuck shorty who was 17, again.

501.

Entered the room to a phat assed, fun-sized goddess caramel skin-toned two beds she says she’s been alone all day so she’s up for play.

She told me leave my donations on the table. She requires paper for her time, its precious & tells me she has a little boy back home who’s nine, saw a picture, his innocence is so precious.

She’ll be finished with this life soon she said but for now this hotel room is her place of business & is paying for her education & paying for her rent & making ends meet being that she’s the only parent.

The lamp served as a sun to the Trojans scattered across the night stand, glimmers of light off the wrappers as Law & Order goes to commercial on a 40 inch flat & and a Holy Bible lay still under that.

She leaves for Cali in the morning & some of her underwear are still drying over the shower head reflected off the vanity mirror next to a flat iron & make-up kit ever so neatly placed on the bathroom counter-top.

After a few awkward pauses in conversation she’s ready to earn her money & tells me to lay back on the bed as she begins to give me the best head a nigga ever did feel.

Getting a blow job is and feels awesome!

She takes another call & I overhear that he’s spending more time with her than me. More donations to mention. She multitasks never neglecting me the same amount of attention.

She grabs the jelly and rubs it on her pussy asking if I’d like to get on top or do doggy?

Pridefully, I get on top. I’m into her facial expressions and the way her breasts bounce as I, thinking I was doing something, perform the weakest stroke.

About to make an excuse in the next 5 minutes. I’m all in wanting to kiss her, but she doesn’t do that. I turn her over as the moans gets deeper and she arches her back.

Face down, hands above her head she’s throwing it & I’m grabbing on her ass, uninterruptedly keeping our rhythm, trying not to moan

I tap out admittedly after another 13 mins of fuck.

I’m out of her still tryna get an aftershock, and she stands wrapping her hair up, smiles with a tissue in hand gently rolling the condom of her client.

I tell her to have a safe trip & hope that our paths cross in a different light, as she flushes our sins, Jesus like.

We embrace and I exit the room recalling the direction of the nearest elevator, looking across to the another room’s door number 502.

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Peter’s choice.

All weekend I’ve been spending money on liquor and strippers, which dont even make sense

But I dont expect you to believe me, my only proof when I die will be past bank statements

Its hard to admit to myself that I’m trying to drown all my sorrow in titties and alcohol

The worse has yet to come so prepare will eventually be the words I’ll have to fall back on

I’m open to new things, new hurts, new opportunities and most likely dissappointments

I just wish those same disappointments scheduled appointments with my poignant — heart

So that I could just deal and get bail from cardiac arrest, ample time, enough for me to heal

I can feel it in my chest, headaches, loss of everything, tell Lucifer get off my heels — Jesus Christ

Its hard for me to trust now, at times its hard for me to even fucking breathe and believe

Which sometimes makes it easier to leave, proof — you’re gone

There’s women crying over the fact that I’ll probably never commit to a “You and I,”

While internally I’m still bleeding and tripping over my father committing suicide

Three more months and the pain will rush back in me as it did last year

And losing any part of me, or hurting someone new, or regretting due to my insecurites

Is my NEWEST FEAR

I keep it all inside of me and throw on my most fake smile in hopes that shit covers my cover up for

Awhile

How long will I have to lie to myself or to anyone else for that matter

And keep all the ones who I love and the ones that love me at bay, who matter

I designed a carbon copy of me to mimic all in my head

And its as I dreaded that I’ve been so phony, for so long, that the real me is dead

No original schematics or blueprints like the ones my father drew on to create — Life

And even if I could, even if I wanted to, at this point getting myself back up would be too late — right

You dont know what you’ve done to me, giving me breath and teaching me only to leave me grieving

I’m more like you than myself now and more likely to collapse and fall harder and break into pieces

There are times where I peer at objects and wonder then wander off far into my own mind

Usually contemplating my own suicidal plots, like how many pills to swallow for a quickened time

Dead on arrival, my mother could never fathom two Frances’ death so close to each other

Sometimes I get real weak and want to just get it over with but in walks my little brother

Marcus, I look into his face, yet again he’s saved me from myself

My guardian angel was supposed to be you, now it’s an 11 year old — the hell

I’m grateful for him and moreover the lack of courage I have to actually go through with it

Those malicious thoughts, and knowing how you escaped man this life — my life’s a bitch

Are you proud of yourself — fuck you dude, I loved you and this is how you did

All I have is few items that you owned and scarce memories of you as a kid

I still stare at photographs where we held one another, lived, loved, in places together

Wishing time gave back what a son lost from his father.

kataclyzmic — I love you Peter, rest easy.

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“In Love vs. Love”

In my opinion:

     When you’re “in love” with someone, it’s more of infatuation and a feeling of idealism that you find sacred within and about that person. Being in love, to me, is like you want so much of that person in a short span of time:

  • their time
  • their conversation
  • their attention
  • their trust
  • their secrets/story
  • their dreams
  • their wants
  • their desires
  • their fantasies
  • their shortcomings
  • their goals
  • their hurts

…almost damn near everything; it’s as if, if you could breathe for them, you would. And so with that said, this rapid burst of affection is so sudden and at times, so overbearing and feels so nice to us, that we often dismiss some early warning signs. This phase is more gay (not in the homosexual sense) but definitely more happy and free and inviting. Which is again nice, but usually does have a time limit and extensive repercussions. You ever hear someone say, “I was so in love with her/him and then they hurt me?” I dare not say that if you love someone, they’re less likely to hurt you, but the “in love” thing is so much more attractive to be and very identifiable — and usually it does not last.

        Now when it comes to “love,” that’s where things tend to get more complicated, but at least it’s more concrete. Love will have you break up with someone and not feel sexually attracted to them anymore, but you’ll still care for them as though you were together and they needed you for something. How many of us have had an old, low down, dirty no good ex that we still purchase and do things for, just because we still love that person? And most of the time we don’t even understand why we still fuck with that person or even talk to them — we just know that they need us and that we are the only ones who are willing to help them with whatever. How many times have we had an ex call us and say they miss us, and old feelings surface? That’s a sign of love!!! Whenever you feel the need to constantly care for someone and I mean really care for someone, that’s love. In spite of any wrong that a person may have done to you, the feeling of still loving them is more strong and is a foundation; which builds more. Love is:

  • sad
  • precious
  • blinding
  • heart aching
  • wonderful
  • benevolent
  • malevolent
  • pulchritudinous 

Everything! Old folks can say, “I have been with my spouse for over 50 years and I am still in love with them.” This only means that the spark and lust and desire of attraction, is still there and blazing. Which is very good. But if you want to talk about something more resilient and more coveted and sacred, then love wins every time. 

        Naturally there is a balance that you must find in order to keep your relationships healthy. We each must create our own definitions in these “In Love vs. Love” battles. And honestly that’s the beauty of it all. Finding your own place, “in, love.”

…thank-you. craig.Image

breed love.

I don’t know you

You don’t know me

But I love you

And what I’m learning

Is that..

It’s not always what I’m seeing

But just the fact of you being

Another human being

Helps me to understand

The true plight of boy & girl

Your life

My story

My fall

Your glory

All in the grand scheme of things

Did you not come from a woman’s womb and

If you cut me

Do I not bleed hemoglobin

What God desires us to vex

One another

To not be there for each other

Whether or not we’re..

Cousin, brother

Be slow to hate

Even lesser to consider race

Or gender

Or sexual prefrence

Make sense

If the Earth were to be freed of air

We’d all pass away collectively

So we must live unitedly

For an excellent

Today

For a better tomorrow

Forgive me of any pain

That I’ve caused

Any sudden sorrow

I apologize now and for future

Lets agree to disagree

As we breathe love

Conquering hate, jealousy, and war

And teach generations to malice less

And love

Love More

Endless as the stars in the night sky

And even when the cumulus nimbus

Accumulate

Over our heads

Or when hardships rise beneath our feet

We stand together victorious

And trample all over defeat

Hand in hand

Your heart in mines

We beat on forward

Living our lives

Free as doves

Innocent or tainted

If you hunger

No its not my obligation to feed you

Actually yes it is

What if it were me

Or my kids

I may can’t afford you a home

Or have much money to loan

But I must help

If not for the betterment of you

Or myself

But for a step

For mankind

Never overlook obvious bad

Happy or sad

Give of thyself unto another

We never saw Christ in his manger

The next time you see a stranger

Dont miss your opportunity to

To show the same dedication

As you would give Jesus

Different is what we are

Yes

But homo-sapiens

Describes us

Best

Have sex. Fuck differences. breed love.

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