Myself and Friend Nawab standing at the entrance to Chicken Street
As I’ve stated in earlier posts, Afghanistan was once famous as a passage from East to West for trading empires. And Kabul, while an ancient city, was not really historically the center of Afghanistan, until relatively recently.
Kabul used to be a place where livestock and other trading goods were exchanged and stored. It is my theory that the city was founded where it is because the Kabul River came so close to the mountains in the part of Police District 1 known as “The Lion’s Gate”, that it made a handy place to pen up livestock. Traders only really needed to put some barriers across the narrow corridor there and they had an instant pen.
Bala Hisar circa 1879 – Photo by John Burke
From there, the city grew along natural patterns based on terrain and socio-cultural pressures. …
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Bit of a word nerd myself. It’s nice to see another person that enjoys the English language so much.
I admit it – I’m a word nerd; derived from the Latin Dictum Nerdica. I’m also a Grammar Geek (ok, ok Grammaticus Geekicus). I think I was the only kid in 7th grade typing English that liked to diagram sentences. My typing sucked but I could spot an appositive a mile away.
I’m fond of adjectives, adverbs, nouns, verbs, gerunds, prepositions etc. (Please be advised: I don’t quite trust the subjunctive case, however). Our lexicon is rich with variety – we have so much freedom to express ourselves using layers of meaning, double entendre, metaphor, subtle shades of description; we have synonyms abound to choose from; we have slang – we have it all. Yet we also have this:
I don’t understand why we have to have so many words to describe something- why can’t we just have the one and be done?
Why do you have…
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I admit feeling like a perv, less than dirt, writing these words
Knowing I couldn’t stop human nature from what we did
But whats worse?
Putting a stipulation to love or an adult to a kid?
I wouldn’t know because it had been so long since a woman touched me
Entered the room to a phat assed, fun-sized goddess caramel skin-toned two beds she says she’s been alone all day so she’s up for play.
She told me leave my donations on the table. She requires paper for her time, its precious & tells me she has a little boy back home who’s nine, saw a picture, his innocence is so precious.
She’ll be finished with this life soon she said but for now this hotel room is her place of business & is paying for her education & paying for her rent & making ends meet being that she’s the only parent.
The lamp served as a sun to the Trojans scattered across the night stand, glimmers of light off the wrappers as Law & Order goes to commercial on a 40 inch flat & and a Holy Bible lay still under that.
She leaves for Cali in the morning & some of her underwear are still drying over the shower head reflected off the vanity mirror next to a flat iron & make-up kit ever so neatly placed on the bathroom counter-top.
After a few awkward pauses in conversation she’s ready to earn her money & tells me to lay back on the bed as she begins to give me the best head a nigga ever did feel.
Getting a blow job is and feels awesome!
She takes another call & I overhear that he’s spending more time with her than me. More donations to mention. She multitasks never neglecting me the same amount of attention.
She grabs the jelly and rubs it on her pussy asking if I’d like to get on top or do doggy?
Pridefully, I get on top. I’m into her facial expressions and the way her breasts bounce as I, thinking I was doing something, perform the weakest stroke.
About to make an excuse in the next 5 minutes. I’m all in wanting to kiss her, but she doesn’t do that. I turn her over as the moans gets deeper and she arches her back.
Face down, hands above her head she’s throwing it & I’m grabbing on her ass, uninterruptedly keeping our rhythm, trying not to moan
I tap out admittedly after another 13 mins of fuck.
I’m out of her still tryna get an aftershock, and she stands wrapping her hair up, smiles with a tissue in hand gently rolling the condom of her client.
I tell her to have a safe trip & hope that our paths cross in a different light, as she flushes our sins, Jesus like.
We embrace and I exit the room recalling the direction of the nearest elevator, looking across to the another room’s door number 502.
All weekend I’ve been spending money on liquor and strippers, which dont even make sense
But I dont expect you to believe me, my only proof when I die will be past bank statements
Its hard to admit to myself that I’m trying to drown all my sorrow in titties and alcohol
The worse has yet to come so prepare will eventually be the words I’ll have to fall back on
I’m open to new things, new hurts, new opportunities and most likely dissappointments
I just wish those same disappointments scheduled appointments with my poignant — heart
So that I could just deal and get bail from cardiac arrest, ample time, enough for me to heal
I can feel it in my chest, headaches, loss of everything, tell Lucifer get off my heels — Jesus Christ
Its hard for me to trust now, at times its hard for me to even fucking breathe and believe
Which sometimes makes it easier to leave, proof — you’re gone
There’s women crying over the fact that I’ll probably never commit to a “You and I,”
While internally I’m still bleeding and tripping over my father committing suicide
Three more months and the pain will rush back in me as it did last year
And losing any part of me, or hurting someone new, or regretting due to my insecurites
Is my NEWEST FEAR
I keep it all inside of me and throw on my most fake smile in hopes that shit covers my cover up for
How long will I have to lie to myself or to anyone else for that matter
And keep all the ones who I love and the ones that love me at bay, who matter
I designed a carbon copy of me to mimic all in my head
And its as I dreaded that I’ve been so phony, for so long, that the real me is dead
No original schematics or blueprints like the ones my father drew on to create — Life
And even if I could, even if I wanted to, at this point getting myself back up would be too late — right
You dont know what you’ve done to me, giving me breath and teaching me only to leave me grieving
I’m more like you than myself now and more likely to collapse and fall harder and break into pieces
There are times where I peer at objects and wonder then wander off far into my own mind
Usually contemplating my own suicidal plots, like how many pills to swallow for a quickened time
Dead on arrival, my mother could never fathom two Frances’ death so close to each other
Sometimes I get real weak and want to just get it over with but in walks my little brother
Marcus, I look into his face, yet again he’s saved me from myself
My guardian angel was supposed to be you, now it’s an 11 year old — the hell
I’m grateful for him and moreover the lack of courage I have to actually go through with it
Those malicious thoughts, and knowing how you escaped man this life — my life’s a bitch
Are you proud of yourself — fuck you dude, I loved you and this is how you did
All I have is few items that you owned and scarce memories of you as a kid
I still stare at photographs where we held one another, lived, loved, in places together
Wishing time gave back what a son lost from his father.
kataclyzmic — I love you Peter, rest easy.
In my opinion:
When you’re “in love” with someone, it’s more of infatuation and a feeling of idealism that you find sacred within and about that person. Being in love, to me, is like you want so much of that person in a short span of time:
…almost damn near everything; it’s as if, if you could breathe for them, you would. And so with that said, this rapid burst of affection is so sudden and at times, so overbearing and feels so nice to us, that we often dismiss some early warning signs. This phase is more gay (not in the homosexual sense) but definitely more happy and free and inviting. Which is again nice, but usually does have a time limit and extensive repercussions. You ever hear someone say, “I was so in love with her/him and then they hurt me?” I dare not say that if you love someone, they’re less likely to hurt you, but the “in love” thing is so much more attractive to be and very identifiable — and usually it does not last.
Now when it comes to “love,” that’s where things tend to get more complicated, but at least it’s more concrete. Love will have you break up with someone and not feel sexually attracted to them anymore, but you’ll still care for them as though you were together and they needed you for something. How many of us have had an old, low down, dirty no good ex that we still purchase and do things for, just because we still love that person? And most of the time we don’t even understand why we still fuck with that person or even talk to them — we just know that they need us and that we are the only ones who are willing to help them with whatever. How many times have we had an ex call us and say they miss us, and old feelings surface? That’s a sign of love!!! Whenever you feel the need to constantly care for someone and I mean really care for someone, that’s love. In spite of any wrong that a person may have done to you, the feeling of still loving them is more strong and is a foundation; which builds more. Love is:
Everything! Old folks can say, “I have been with my spouse for over 50 years and I am still in love with them.” This only means that the spark and lust and desire of attraction, is still there and blazing. Which is very good. But if you want to talk about something more resilient and more coveted and sacred, then love wins every time.
Naturally there is a balance that you must find in order to keep your relationships healthy. We each must create our own definitions in these “In Love vs. Love” battles. And honestly that’s the beauty of it all. Finding your own place, “in, love.”
I don’t know you
You don’t know me
But I love you
And what I’m learning
It’s not always what I’m seeing
But just the fact of you being
Another human being
Helps me to understand
The true plight of boy & girl
All in the grand scheme of things
Did you not come from a woman’s womb and
If you cut me
Do I not bleed hemoglobin
What God desires us to vex
To not be there for each other
Whether or not we’re..
Be slow to hate
Even lesser to consider race
Or sexual prefrence
If the Earth were to be freed of air
We’d all pass away collectively
So we must live unitedly
For an excellent
For a better tomorrow
Forgive me of any pain
That I’ve caused
Any sudden sorrow
I apologize now and for future
Lets agree to disagree
As we breathe love
Conquering hate, jealousy, and war
And teach generations to malice less
Endless as the stars in the night sky
And even when the cumulus nimbus
Over our heads
Or when hardships rise beneath our feet
We stand together victorious
And trample all over defeat
Hand in hand
Your heart in mines
We beat on forward
Living our lives
Free as doves
Innocent or tainted
If you hunger
No its not my obligation to feed you
Actually yes it is
What if it were me
Or my kids
I may can’t afford you a home
Or have much money to loan
But I must help
If not for the betterment of you
But for a step
Never overlook obvious bad
Happy or sad
Give of thyself unto another
We never saw Christ in his manger
The next time you see a stranger
Dont miss your opportunity to
To show the same dedication
As you would give Jesus
Different is what we are
Have sex. Fuck differences. breed love.